R

Grace had this post on her blog where she was given a letter, and was tasked to name ten words that begin with that letter. All those who wanted to be "tagged" were asked to reply so that a letter could be assigned to them. She gave me the letter R, so here I go. :)

1. reconciliation - when genuine, this can be a truly divine experience. (see previous post) ^_^

2. rest - *geek mode on* in physics, the state at which an object does not have any momentum. They say nothing is absolutely at rest, for all things are moving based on some reference point. *geek mode off* Rest comes in short supply nowadays. Thank God there is coffee! hehe

3. rock - a splendid musical genre. I particularly like EMO and punk rock and almost everything else that has 100mph drums and furious guitars.

4. remember - something that I have a hard time doing. I hated History and Chemistry because I'm not so good at memorizing stuff. At one time, I forgot where I put my phone and was frantically looking for it, only to realize that I was actually holding it in left hand!

5. real - " 'What is real?', asked the rabbit one day, when they were sitting side by side by the nursery fender, before nana came to tidy the room." The story of the velveteen rabbit starts with this question, and in the end he realizes that you are real when you are loved, even if you become worn, shabby and full of stitches in the process. I actually did the story as a declamation piece back in freshman highschool. Good thing I don't have a very good memory (see #4).

6. reset - a nifty feature in computer games where you can simply start everything over if you made choices that you didn't like, or replay a wonderful moment over again. Sometimes I wish life had a reset button, but then nostalgia and EMO would not exist, so never mind. :D

7. red horse beer - my favorite beer! It suits my taste, and I don't have to spend too much money just to get satisfied (napapagastos ako kapag lights lang. hehe). Two 500-mL bottles will do fine. :D

8. reading - I love to read. By this I mean light reading -- readings which does not require some level of cryptography, unlike topics on Electromagnetics and the Fundamental Option. Anyway, there's nothing like a good book. I'm currently reading Dan Brown's Angels and Demons, and I'm really having a hard time putting it down. The physics involved is just too much of a treat for the geek in me!

9. relationship - I think the quality of life is somehow proportional to the quality of the relationships one has. As a human being, relationships are inevitable and necessary, and by this I mean any relationship -- not only romantic ones. This is part of what it means to be a human being -- having a connection to someone other than oneself.

10. relish - During my five-day silent retreat in Baguio, we were taught to relish God's presence. I wish I never forget how it is to slow down and enjoy life as it passes by one moment at a time. This is so hard in the "real" world where the pace is so fast that people have a hard time having time for anything.


There, I'm finally done! If you want to get "tagged" just leave a comment here and I'll give you a letter to work on. ^_^

yema

Ever since I saw yema being sold at the local cafeteria, I've been having it for dessert during lunchtime. It's such a bestseller that when thursday comes, the cafeteria runs out of it. They normally restock on mondays, but last monday there were still no yema to be found. Needless to say, lunch was not the same.

When wednesday came and still there was no yema (not even crinkles or kettle korn!), I just had to take matters in my own hands. On my way home I bought a box of yema from the MRT station in Cubao. I gave some to Quilin and my siblings, then brought the remaining sixteen pieces to work the following day.

Towards the end of the day, only three were left. A couple of my officemates took one each, which leaves one up for grabs (pinoy na pinoy talaga! ^_^). I had enough yema for a day, so I really wanted to give it away. Then suddenly I thought I'd give it to her, as a sign of good will and a step towards our reconciliation.

I was the last to leave the training room so all my batchmates were waiting at the elevator. I offered up the yema to everyone, then I realized that she was right in front of me. It was strange, finally looking at her in the eye and asking her if she wanted the last yema. Strange, but nice. She smiled, then asked me if I was sure about it. I said yes, and couldn't help but smile back.

At this point our batchmates were all looking at us, with big knowing smiles on their faces. She took the yema, and I walked away to dispose of the empty box.

She went after me and gave me a hug, and I suddenly realized that I was no longer angry or upset, and neither was she.

And so we talked about it, and found out that we just had a bad case of miscommunication. It feels so good to be talking and smiling again. So good that I want to cry. :'D

And the yema was great, even better than the ones they sell in the cafeteria. ^_^

"...Loose lips sink ships."

-- Fall Out Boy, "XO"

this one's for you, too

you'll never make me leave
i'll wear this on my sleeve
give me a reason to believe.

so give me all your poison
and give me all your pills
and give all your hopeless thoughts that make me ill
you're running after something that you'll never kill
if this is what you want, then fire at will.

- My Chemical Romance, "Thank You For the Venom"


Why aren't we talking?

To start with, we weren't talking even before I found out that we weren't talking, if you know what I mean. I was caught by surprise.

"I'd rather we don't talk to each other anymore." -- These were your exact words, taken from the message you sent me.

"Peace?" -- This was also your exact message, less than twenty-four hours later. After all you made me feel, did you really expect I'd be nice to you just like that? Masisisi mo ba ako kung binalewala ko ang katiting na text message na 'yan? (Why do you seem more articulate when you're hurting me?) And what did you mean by "peace"? Inaway ba kita? I remember you were the only one who opened fire. And isn't the silent non-talking environment peaceful enough for you? After all, you said you'd rather not talk to me anymore. What more do you want?

But I haven't totally given up on this friendship. Maybe it can be fixed. But the recent events have left me thinking, maybe we should put a limit to how much we can be close to each other. Or maybe, there already is a limit, thanks to what has happened. Maybe once this pain has mellowed down into a dull ache, we can be civil, have small talk or even smile a little. But I don't think things will go back to where they were, for during these past few days, my beliefs about you and this friendship has been put to question.

How can I have faith if I don't know what to believe anymore?

the first monthsary

Last thursday, a couple of friends and I went to see The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift as a way to de-stress. Only after leaving the cinema did we realize that that day marked our first month in the company.

We were supposed to de-stress but once we stood up to leave I felt a really bad headache. Whether it was caused by the abundant sound of screeching tires or the awful plot, I still don't know. The drift scenes were breathtaking, though. (So maybe it's oxygen depravation that caused the headache?)

I hope this week turns out to be lighter than the last one. After all, it's suweldo week! Yey! ^_^

At least I'm no longer depressed like the Catcher in the Rye. However, life isn't less complicated. I do hope I continue to see this as an oppurtunity to be strong and grow as a person.

So help me, God.

basahin mo, baka para sa iyo 'to

Minsan nagtatanong kung saan, kailan, paano nasimulan
ang katapusang mahirap takasan.
Pero 'wag na.
Ibato mo nalang sa ulan.
-eraserheads, "Tama Ka Nga"

Sana sinabi mo sakin nang mas maaga. Hindi ko masasabing napakabuti kong kaibigan, pero sa tingin ko naman seryoso kitang pakikinggan at iintindihin kung sinabi mo lang sa akin sa isang paraan na maayos kahit kaunti.

Alam mo akala ko panghabambuhay na ang pagkakaibigan natin. Ngayon hindi ko na alam.

Inaamin ko na nagkamali ako, pero nais kong malaman mo na hindi kita sinadyang saktan kahit kailan. Nirerespeto ko ang karapatan mo na idaing ang mga hinanakit mo. Mahirap mag-isip nang matino kapag nasasaktan, pero sana sinubukan mong isaisip ang pagkakaibigan natin bago mo binitawan ang mga sinabi mo. Ganun naman ang magkakaibigan diba? Kahit mahirap sinusubukang alpasan para sa pagkakaibigan.

Napakasakit ng mga sinabi mo. Sana pinag-isipan mo ang bawat salita dahil hinding-hindi mo na mababawi ang mga ito. Sana nakatulong sila sa iyo.

Nais kong malaman mo na may pagka-makasarili ka. Hindi ko ito sinasabi dahil sinaktan mo ako -- sinasabi ko ito dahil baka hindi mo ito napapansin. Iyon siguro ang lumason sa pagkakaibigan natin -- ang pagka-makasarili mo at ang pagtitiwala kong maiintindihan mo ang pag-uugali kong parang batang pasaway.

Sana kahit papaano ay may natutunan tayo mula sa isa't-isa.


I thought I knew you. But now it seems I wasn't really friends with you -- I was friends with whom I thought you were.

a near-life experience

Yesterday a friend of mine got hit by a truck and was sent to a hospital. Suddenly I wanted to know everything about the accident and my orgmate, but it seemed the people I texted didn't have access to first-hand information either. Memories of the loss of Jomar, also an org officer at the time, came flashing back to me. All I could do was pray.

People know they're going to die eventually, but don't actually believe it. We live each and every day of our lives as if there will always be a tomorrow, as if we and the ones we love are immortal. Death is always in the news and in the obituaries, but we don't really accept the fact that we or the people close to us will someday share a similar fate. If we did believe in our mortality, we'd live differently. We'd live each and every day to the fullest.

But it's so hard. In our fast-paced lives, one must always look ahead and plan for the next day, week, month, or even years.

Thankfully Kalil is fine. I don't know the details but a friend assured me that he's going to be okay. Soon things will go back to normal.

holding back tears in a half-empty jeepney

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down.
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around.
I drop my sword and cry for just a while.
'Cause deep inside this armor, the warrior is a child.


I was in my freshman year in college then. It was late in the afternoon and I was about to go to our org's room to get something when an orgmate approached me. She looked distressed, and wanted to tell me something. I was totally surprised, for we weren't really close friends, but I couldn't say no. It seemed urgent.

She was weeping before I noticed it. I tried to listen, but could barely hear the words behind the sobs. Siguro kailangan niya lang talaga ng maiiyakan nun. It was strange, really.

Only now have I come to understand what it felt like.

batchmates :)

Top, left to right: Chloe, me, Tiff, Jeremy, Peter, Jules, Adrian, Osing, and Eric. Bottom, left to right: Martin, Belle, Kristel, and Athena. Not in the photo: Leo and Jas (hehe bakit kaya? ^_^).

The past three weeks have been great with you guys. Honestly I was apprehensive about working for the first time. I never expected to be in such a nice atmosphere.

Habang tumatagal, lalo akong natutuwa na pinili kong magtrabaho sa kompanyang ito. Maraming salamat! :)