on change

"...You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. " (see previous post)


Yesterday I went home alone. Two months ago this would have been alright, but yesterday it was sad. Because of our different schedules and responsibilities, getting together has become hard, and will become harder as time goes by.

Sometimes I hate change. Just when you're comfortable with your life, things change, and then you'd have to find that sense of equilibrium again, which never really last long enough. Sometimes things change so fast there isn't even time to say goodbye to the present as it moves to the past. Sometimes you don't even notice it's already gone. And when you do, you're left with this tearing feeling, which only gets worse as you force yourself to move forward and not look back.

But as I realized years ago, without change there is no uncertainty. That would have been great, but without uncertainty, how can there be hope?

And change makes us strong. It's what pushed living organisms to evolve in the first place. With every painful change is a challenge to become stronger. The pain is inevitable. I just wish I won't have to go through it alone.

So maybe I don't really hate change. I just hate being alone.