this one's for you, too

you'll never make me leave
i'll wear this on my sleeve
give me a reason to believe.

so give me all your poison
and give me all your pills
and give all your hopeless thoughts that make me ill
you're running after something that you'll never kill
if this is what you want, then fire at will.

- My Chemical Romance, "Thank You For the Venom"


Why aren't we talking?

To start with, we weren't talking even before I found out that we weren't talking, if you know what I mean. I was caught by surprise.

"I'd rather we don't talk to each other anymore." -- These were your exact words, taken from the message you sent me.

"Peace?" -- This was also your exact message, less than twenty-four hours later. After all you made me feel, did you really expect I'd be nice to you just like that? Masisisi mo ba ako kung binalewala ko ang katiting na text message na 'yan? (Why do you seem more articulate when you're hurting me?) And what did you mean by "peace"? Inaway ba kita? I remember you were the only one who opened fire. And isn't the silent non-talking environment peaceful enough for you? After all, you said you'd rather not talk to me anymore. What more do you want?

But I haven't totally given up on this friendship. Maybe it can be fixed. But the recent events have left me thinking, maybe we should put a limit to how much we can be close to each other. Or maybe, there already is a limit, thanks to what has happened. Maybe once this pain has mellowed down into a dull ache, we can be civil, have small talk or even smile a little. But I don't think things will go back to where they were, for during these past few days, my beliefs about you and this friendship has been put to question.

How can I have faith if I don't know what to believe anymore?